Dinner Dynamics

It’s the holidays. We have passed Thanksgiving and are coming up to Christmas. Facebook is filled with people posting photos of their gatherings; smiling children, everyone in matching family outfits, and perfectly cooked and staged dinners sitting on well-appointed tables. Other photos are of family members in the kitchen baking, seasoning a turkey, stirring gravy, peeling potatoes, beautifully decorating Christmas trees, and everyone is sipping hot chocolate. Very Norman Rockwell. 

I have been to large family parties where there were so many people in the house you couldn’t turn around. The furniture had to be moved out to make room for the food which was in every room, and the din was so loud I personally had to keep moving because I couldn’t hear any one particular conversation. Someone always arrived early, one relative was notoriously late, and still another was expected to bring a very specific traditional dish they’d been making for the last 45 years. For whatever reason, everyone usually ended up mashing into the kitchen, all talking at the same time. The hostess would take over a month to prepare, and it took her just as long to clean up.

I have also experienced the complete opposite end of the spectrum, the quiet dinner for two. My husband and I have celebrated other holidays without our families. In these cases, we generally forego the traditions and eat what we want, which is usually some form of seafood and steak. We rub the proverbial cat backwards, much to the chagrin of my Enneagram One friends. We sleep in, barely get out of our pajamas, play a game or two, and I sit at the kitchen countertop bar and watch as my husband does all of the cooking (it’s safer this way) while music plays in the background. 

What these dramatically different family dinner experiences have in common is that they both require some level of planning, though not necessarily the same amount. Because stores are usually closed on major holidays when people are gathering, the shopping needs to be done beforehand. This necessitates the menu be determined in advance and assignments given to those who are responsible for bringing additional dishes and desserts. Conversations have to be had, tableware and decor pulled from the recesses of the closets, homes tidied up, and invitations sent, even if just a quick email or text.

Planning checklists for family dinners probably don’t include printing wayfinding signs or sourcing linens, but they might. Coordinating catering or renting China and silverware doesn’t generally end up on the to-dos, but they could. Plans presumably don’t include arranging flights, making hotel reservations, renting cars, or designing welcome baskets, but again, these are not out of the realm of possibilities. Event planning was born somewhere. It hasn’t been an exclusive process for hotels, convention centers, and meeting professionals; people have been doing it long before it had a name or a full-blown industry.

Visiting someone’s home or inviting someone over, having a meal together, and sharing stories are some of the fondest and most vivid memories I have as far back as I can remember. Recalling particular dishes that appeared at holiday meals like corn casserole, pretzel salad, and lamb with mint jelly, can make me smile and cringe at the same time. I used to watch my mother iron linen tablecloths and napkins as she prepared, and my grandmother made sure I knew how to properly set a table.

I imagine some of our grandmas were great event planners and didn’t even realize it.

I’m sure you have a family dinner planning story. Share it here or send me an email!
I’d love to hear it.

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