Beer, Brides & Baumstamm?

While traveling in Munich, my husband and I did a bit of sightseeing. As with most trips, we walk quite a bit and visit bustling downtowns, old castles, and ornate churches. While traversing through the square, we saw what appeared to be a Junggesellenabscheid (bachelorette party). Here, groups of ladies dress up in weird outfits and one in particular (the bride) sells candy and other items from a vendor’s tray like you’d see someone selling hotdogs and beer from at a Cubs game. It is one of a few bizarre German prewedding traditions. This got me thinking about other German wedding traditions so I did a little research on the flight home.

For the most part, modern German weddings have evolved to look a lot like most American ones. Ladies no longer wear black dresses, they have adopted the traditional white ones. They also no longer wear a penny inside their wedding shoes as they finally decided after decades of sore feet, it wasn’t worth it. Brides carry bouquets, toss them at unmarried women during the reception, and have a first dance with their new husbands now just like we do.

Where things get a little odd is when you look at some of the traditions the Germans still keep. One I found most interesting is the polterabend.¹ Before the wedding day, usually the night before but definitely sometime within the week before, family and friends of the bride and groom are invited to a party where they break porcelain and china dishes as a symbol of good luck for the couple. Per the legend, the smaller the pieces (and therefore the more numerous) the luckier the marriage will be. Once the smashing is over, the upcoming bride and groom must work together to clean up the mess, symbolizing the need to work together in their impending marriage.

Another tradition I felt was a bit out of place was the baumstamm sagen.² After the wedding ceremony the newly married couple head outside and work together to saw a log in half. This is the first obstacle the couple must overcome. Once done, they can head onto their reception to celebrate. I’m not sure who decided this felt like a wedding tradition, however, being of German descent myself and knowing the stock of our people, a physical challenge of this nature doesn’t surprise me.

The last one I want to mention is the schleiertanz (the veil dance).² Knowing how sentimental most brides are about their dress, their veil, their shoes, and more, I am surprised this exists. At some point during the reception, the bride and groom dance while guests hold the bride’s veil over their heads. Unmarried guests attempt to steal the veil and tear it into pieces. According to legend, the lady with the largest piece will be the next bride. I can’t imagine what this looks like to an outsider let alone what it must feel like to the bride!

I share all of this to say, as an event planner, when working with clients who have cultural traditions, be sure to do your research, ask plenty of clarifying questions, and seek the advice of a planner who may have worked with them before. These are important to your client and it’s critical that you get them right. In the case of the log, you will want to know how thick the log needs to be, what type of saw needs to be used, and when to shuffle the guests outside for the ceremonial cutting. In the case of the veil dance, you’ll want to know if the bride wants her actual veil used, what type of lace will tear the easiest, and at what point during the evening this dance needs to be scheduled.

And backing up to the dish throwing bonanza, you’ll want to find out if there are certain dishes that need to be used, like if only plates get thrown but not bowls? The Germans seem to have a lot of superstitions and I’d hate to have the soon-to-be couple and their families throwing something that would curse them for years to come. I mean, what if hurling a saucer means seven years bad luck? These are things a planner needs to know. Plus, we’re talking Germany. Beer is going to be a factor in every event you’re planning, so you’ll want to understand from the family if they have a brewery of their own, a preferred ale they’d like served, and what size stein they want to use.

There are other traditions I didn’t even get into. I personally don’t plan weddings (see my blog Why Not Weddings), but for those who do, doing your homework, asking questions, and know that fulfilling the bride’s dreams are critical for your success.

Have you planned a wedding with cultural traditions? Share one thing you learned.
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1.I am Expat, German Wedding Traditions. Emily Proctor. April 26, 2024. https://www.iamexpat.de/expat-info/german-expat-news/german-wedding-traditions
2.Simple Germany, German Wedding Traditions & Customs. Jen Palacios. May 27, 2024. https://www.simplegermany.com/german-wedding-traditions/