All Straws Are Not Created Equal

Let me just state up front, I hate paper straws. This may just be a silly rant, but it may also bring awareness to the fact that all straws are not created equal. I am a straw lover. I prefer to use a straw to drink everything. I would drink hot coffee through a straw if I didn’t think the coffee would melt it on the way up. I’m not 100% sure why I like straws. It could be from the era when I had my teeth whitened and I wanted to take really good care of these pearly whites (I still do). It could also be because I HATE when I’m sipping the last of my Diet Pepsi and the ice slides down the glass, smacks me in the face, and usually splatters pop on my face and often on my shirt. It might also be something left over from childhood. A straw in a drink meant that mom prepared something special.

Nowadays, many of us are concerned about the environment and rightfully so, however, this paper straw thing is ridiculous. Do you know what happens to paper when it sits in liquid long enough? It disintegrates. Likewise, what do you think happens to a paper straw in my liquid Diet Pepsi mid-way through my lunch? Well. Well.

All the inventors, scientists, engineers, and chemists in the world and a paper straw was the best alternative to the old fashioned kind? It ranks up there for me with kicking dirt onto a campfire and wondering why you can’t cook your smore, or bandaging a wound with streamers and wondering why it’s exposed again (and probably now infected). It feels like the wrong application of the product. A round peg in a square hole. Malibu Barbie dating Stretch Armstrong.

With all of the smart people in the world I find it hard to believe that we couldn’t come up with a biodegradable polymer whatever that wouldn’t kill a bird or a fish or the earth that we’d be able to drink some water through for more than ten minutes. I tried to play along. I was given a reusable travel straw. It was a rubbery thing that you wound into a circle and put into a little travel container. Compact and convenient. The first time I brought it out at a table to use, I was ridiculed for hours. It was so thick and clunky and then it was wet and sticky and flung pop everywhere when I tried to wind it up again to put it away.

So I got a thin metal straw that slid into a pen slot in my backpack. Better user experience, same silly looks on people’s faces when I brought my own straw (which I don’t understand since I feel like NOBODY likes the paper ones). Still wasn’t sure how best to clean it up & put it back into the bag other than flick it or head to the bathroom to run some water through it. A plastic bag solved this problem after its second use.

We’ve managed to use sugar cane to make “paper” plates and cornstarch-based polyester and bamboo to make tableware. I can’t believe the powers-that-be can’t come up with a straw solution that doesn’t break down in water that can either be recycled or composted and made from recycled materials or ones that are responsibly sourced that are also cost-effective enough for restaurants to use them on a regular basis.

I digress. I’m sure by the time you read this someone will have finally had the same thought and a straw is on the market. At least one can hope.

Have you found an acceptable disposable straw option? Share it here or send me an email!

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